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Old 02-02-2019, 02:06 PM   #40 (permalink)
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 2,822
It took my personhood (yes, that's a word) and my soul.

It stole the essence of my being - who I am as a human and spiritual being.

It left me an empty shell of addiction and misery.

Sobriety and recovery have retrieved and returned to me these very God-given gifts that alcohol took from me many years ago.

I'm not willing to give them back.

I know who I am today. I think that there are a good many people who love and respect me and, amazingly, seek my advice (sometimes on things other than alcoholism I might add).

I feel pretty good about who I am today, although I know there is still plenty of work that I need to do to get to where I want to be as a person.

I know no shame and I accept no shame if someone slings any of it my way.

My parents died 6 or 7 years ago, so that really doesn't occur today.

I grew up in an alcoholic, shaming environment.

As I grew to be a young adult, I didn't know who I was and I had terribly low self-esteem, but drinking alcohol seemed to make me feel much better about myself.

So I constructed this fabricated image of myself as a happy, go-lucky kind of guy who was always quick with a joke and a beer, but not much more.

When I would awake in the morning and realize what kind of disaster I had let my life become, I would, of course, again be filled with shame and low self-esteem.

But then the alcohol and drugs would come out and I would, once again, be at peace.

This happened for ~10 or so years until they stopped working.

But I kept drinking for 3 or so years beyond the time that alcohol quit working.

I was addicted and I kept hoping to get back the feeling alcohol previously gave me - all to no avail, of course.

All I was left with was a completely addicted drunk who was empty inside.

I don't want the misery and emptiness refunded, so I continue to ask for help and not drink.
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