Hi Alice, yes, I experienced suicidal thoughts when drinking. Once I stopped, I continued to experience depression and anxiety for a few months while my emotions were rebalancing from the chemical effects of chronic alcohol abuse.
Alcohol is a depressant. Though there is initial euphoria, it ultimately leads to a crash and depression.
This is what I read about alcohol effects in dopamine. Alcohol floods the brain with dopamine. But after chronic abuse, the alcohol causes a depletion of dopamine receptor sites so that the dopamine has nothing to bind to anymore. Scientists believe this is what causes the phenomenon that alcoholics (or addicts in general) are always “chasing the high”, never able to experience the highs they had in the beginning.
As much as I found all this brain chemistry fascinating, for a while I was still looking for ways to circumvent this phenomenon, still chasing the high. I tried different types of alcohol, drank it at different times of the day, drank it faster or slower. Ultimately, I realized I needed to stop overthinking and experimenting, and simply stop the insanity. To just stop drinking period.
I’m glad I did. I still have sad and anxious moments like we all do when life gets hard. But no more clinical level depression or anxiety