Originally Posted by
SmallButMighty 
This is secretive and manipulative. It is the kind of deceptive , self-serving crap active addicts pull to keep on keeping on. You don't have to play along... I hope you choose not to. Please don't answer his calls, or "private" calls, if it's something important like a doctor or the bank etc, they will leave a message for you to call them back.
I know how exhausting and heart breaking it is to go through a pregnancy with addiction in the mix. It sucks, it isn't fair to you or the baby. It robs you of the preciousness you should be experiencing...And I know it isn't as easy as to just not think about it, addiction is all consuming even when it isn't our own, when we let it be. That's our disease of codependence and it's brutal. But we can change that. It isn't easy but it is doable.
I think you are taking the right first steps, you are asking for advice and support from people who truly do understand... you are going to try to not let your addict keep pulling the same crap on you over and over. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior and you know very well what his pattern is. It is NOT going to miraculously change. But YOU can.
-You can keep reaching for support.
-You can stop trying to understand him, impossible and exhausting.
-You can immerse yourself in baby books, websites, preparing your home. Focus on Precious-Baby, NOT man-baby
-You can try redirecting your thoughts when they get dark. I literally stood in front of a mirror and told myself to "Stop it, just "effing" STOP IT" when I was thinking in bad circles.
Iris, I know you are so, so very sad right now, but try to focus on what is good and bright about that beautiful child you are about to have.
Mamas are the strongest creatures on the planet. You got this.
Thank you. I cry almost everyday honestly. It has taken a huge toll on me,few people realize all the pain he has put me through. I use to be happy an he has zapped it all from me. I tried hard thinking if I supported him and loved him he would try harder to get off drugs. It didn’t work,and now I’m too tired. The lies,the stealing,the possible infidelity & just the plain disrespect he has showed me tells me he doesn’t care. I have cried today too. I have this site but that’s it. I don’t leave my house very often and I’m off work until I have the baby. I talked to his mom and I think she is going to try to get him put back in jail. Maybe this is petty or maybe its
not. Maybe some people feel like that’s trying to force him into sobriety but he has already almost died last month from a fentynl overdose. I was the unlucky one who got to find him turning purple and had to call the ambulance. I can’t deal with it anymore. He has a warrant and will be looking at 3 to 5 years for trafficking. The worry I feel every time he leaves is overwhelming. This is too much for me.. I miss being happy. I miss not knowing him or having to worry about him.
Ive been trying to focus on getting things ready for the baby but the baby reminds me of him & then I think about how lonely it’d going to be to raise it on my own and otskese even more depressed. It’s like a vicious cycle. It’s horrible and I dont know how to stop it.
