Well three weeks into rehab with three left to go I would not expect someone to be at their best or the program would be three weeks not 45 days. Expecting her to commit to much more than doing what they ask her to do today doesn't seem practical. She's sounding better each day and the anger and resentment seems to be going away, her tone is different and I know she's not very happy with herself right now.
I got my answer - going there is about supporting her, it ain't about me. If her docs say that my coming and participating increases her chances of staying sober then that's an easy decision. My initial feelings of "I will support you IF" aren't healthy thoughts. That's about power and control, not love. I will support her because she is my wife and that is what I committed to - whether or not she commits back is her deal. Getting out of her way is and letting her figure out how to do that if she chooses to is better for both of us. I don't know how to be a good wife, figuring out the husband thing is hard enough.
Let me ask a better question - does anyone out there have actual experience with this sort of thing - you've been to family week/day/weekend or you were the one in treatment and your spouse came in for it... how'd it go? What'd you learn? What would you do the same or differently?
Thanks.