Welcome, hellok. I'm glad you posted about what's been going on. We're a friendly group, & we understand what you're going through. This is a great place for encouragement.
When I finally quit, my life had been torn apart by years of trying to control my drinking. What had once been fun was now ruling my world. When it was in my system, I never knew where it would take me. Arguments & irrational behavior always happened in the end. The only way to stay safe was to stop all together. I hope you keep reading & posting.