hi- yes about two points that jump out at me from your posts:
1. I agree that thinking about how it will feel to get stoned versus how it feels to actually get stoned is totally different, right? And I remind myself this when I get a craving. Because what I am actually craving is some kind of high- some kind of relief from any kind of negative feeling. and getting stoned doesn't actually provide that relief- or if it does for me it is for like 15 minutes and then it brings the needy greedy addiction twining around life again, and absolutely is not worth it. So I try to acknowledge the craving to feel the high of endorphins or whatever- but to find another way to get it- exercise, or something else- still working that out.
and 2. Your husband- . I am also a woman and married- thankfully for me my husband is not an addict of any thing so I dont have that- but I do know how enmeshed a husband and wife are in eachothers lives ( as they should be). But do not let your husbands addictions bring you back down. that jumped out at me a lot in your posts. He will do what he does and you support him as you can but do not use it as an excuse to continue with your addiction. I am still in the tender early days of sobriety just over 100 days in. And a thirty+ year daily pot smoker. But from where I sit I can say- the habitual use of pot- it is a shady friend. I thought I needed it to be happy. but it is not kind. And the farther I get away from it the more I see its true colors.
Keep posting and letting us know how you are doing and even if your husband is still immersed in his addictions, dont let that pull you back down.
also oh man the hours I spent contacting people, waiting for the bag of pot- driving to get it, spending money on it, obsessing about it while craving while everything else went to the back burner-- even now, I could get it legally now in a pot shop- but then what- sit at home with a bag of pot alone and smoke and sit on the couch all day thinking about some dumb thing- not able to do anything, numbed out and wasted- ugh it doesn't sound fun at all.