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Old 01-16-2019, 04:28 AM
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MCESaint
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 151
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Long story short, AW called last night to talk to DS -- we've arranged that and most nights it happens. (recap: AW lives in a SoberLiving House).

DS was already in bed and asleep (his bedtime can vary between 8pm and 8:30pm).

She sounded upset so I asked "what's up?"

Cutting to the chase, she had a very stressful day running around down (on public transportation) trying to get a pre-employment matter taken care of for a job she really wants. She also had a "run in" with another woman in her SoberLiving House, etc. So, she drank. Says she didn't get drunk, but she drank and she knew she shouldn't have. Says she told her sponsor and the folks at the SoberLiving House.

Sooo... as consequence, AW was moved from less restrictive SoberLiving House A to more restrictive SoberLiving House B. Unfortunately, the woman with whom she'd had a run-in with at House A had ALSO been moved to House B. AW states that she is "afraid" of the other woman and didn't feel comfortable living in the same house with her.

I gather her option was: (a) stay in House B or (b) go wherever.

She chose "go wherever" -- and it appears she has some regrets about that. At the time she called me, she was with a friend from her AA meetings, but wasn't sure she could stay the night there. She floated the idea of staying in a shelter until she could get the SoberLiving House situation sorted out -- or even living on the streets.

I said, "I'm sorry all of that happened to you." That I thought it was a good thing that she'd come clean about drinking with her sponsor instead of lying and hiding it, etc. And encouraged her to get back on her program.

My "old self" would have then moved into action making sure AW had a roof over her head.

But, I didn't.

Not my circus, not my monkeys.

I love my wife . . . but it's like the kind of love I have for my children. At some point, my children have to stand up on their own two legs and figure out how to walk in life. I'm not in a position to bail my kids out of every jam (especially financially) they may get into.

After I graduated from college, I applied to several law schools. When I got accepted to my "first choice" law school, I was excited and called my dad. His first words were: "you know I can't help you with that."

Dad's words were hurtful then -- I wasn't calling to ask for money, Dad. I just literally opened the envelope and was so excited/happy I wanted to celebrate my accomplishment with you -- maybe hope you'd be proud of me.

In the long run, though, Dad was right. He couldn't help me with the financial costs of law school -- that I had to figure out on my own. So, student loans it was and I worked hard to repay all of them.

Over the years, Dad made me aware that he *was* proud that I'd done well in law school and had a decent career.

Which is sort of very close to how I feel about AW.

Whatever short-term "pain" you have right now, AW will be outweighed by the long-term gain as you figure out how to deal with the consequences of your decisions.

MCE Saint
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