Hi, Kiki.
My opinion only, and absolutely no judgement.
If alcohol is the glue that cements the gatherings and friendships, or if it is the friendliness lubricant, then really, are they friendships?
Fear of missing out is real, I grant, but I would also consider how the happy BBQ end.
Who fell in the pool, who got in a fight with with his/her spouse because one of them was drinking too much, whose flirtation with a neighbor led to words, etc., etc.
I think of my friends as people with whom I can have authentic conversations, share happy and sad things, and, above all, laugh at my and their craziness.
Alcohol fueled gatherings are not real to me,.