Mourning friendships
This weekend, most of our (husband and I) friends are in Vegas. I just logged into a social media and saw all the pictures of bars, and fun stuff they are out doing. I’m feeling the pangs of jealousy and sadness, that I couldn’t go. Most of all, I feel like I’m mourning the friendships. We were the fun couples and families who had BBQs, parties, lake gatherings, mini getaways, all together, all alcohol fueled. The fun obviously ended for me years ago. But moving forward is hard, and letting go of who you presented yourself as when drinking, is hard too. I don’t know who I am to these friends anymore.
I have made some amazing genuine friendships these last 4 months. Bonds I didn’t know I could have. Just this morning I went to aa, then church with a friend, then spent real quality time with my kids. I wouldn’t trade sobriety for anything. But learning and growing in this new life, does have some sadness when learning to let things go. And I don’t know, if these friendships are over, but for now they are on hold until I am stronger. Thanks for listening, it feels better to get my feelings out there sometimes.