Seeing as there’s not much to admire about his current state,I’m sure that I have fallen in love with his potential. I’m sure that I have looked beyond all his ugly parts to see what he could be. A loving boyfriend,a good dad to our son,etc. even he asked me why I stayed with him when I was so “innocent” as he called me. Because I see the good in you.. that’s all I could say to him. But everyone here is right,and it’s hard to hear sometimes because when you love someone who is struggling,you become addicted to saving them. I think that’s my problem. I have taken him to rehab before,dropped him off. I have called an ambulance for him when he overdosed and was very close to dying. I have been there for him while he cried and wiped his tears. I have ALWAYS been there for him. But he has never been there for me,and the sad part is,is I don’t even care. I have stopped thinking about my own feelings and tried nurturing him back to life but it hasn’t worked. I have just been abandoned by him and stressed to the point where I stopped eating and laid in bed for days. I lost 5 pounds while pregnant because I threw up whatever I ate,and had no desire to even try to eat. I’m not proud of that and most people would ask me why I stuck around but,it just goes back to the times when I have seen a side to him that I know still exists without the heroin. I start thinking of thegood times. The intimate conversations,something as simple as a bubble bath together or watching a movie. Simple things that I actually let reel me back in to his mind games and manipulation because he’s an addict and he’s sick,and he doesn’t know how to be anything else. I could call the police at any time and they would be glad to pick him up,but I don’t want to make him mad at me. I don’t wanna be the one who puts him away. Then other times I think that this is real and he is a danger to himself and if I don’t do something,what’s gonna happen? He always comes back to me so regardless of where he is now,he will show up where I am eventually. I wish I could’ve hard hearted and tell him to never come back but I am not wired to be that way towards him. I don’t offer him anything. It a couch to sleep on and good to eat. I don’t give him money or sex. I don’t hide him from the law or let him do drugs in my house. I have caught on to all of his games. He can’t lie to me anymore or hide when he’s under the influence of drugs. He knows this so he doesn’t stay here often. Just really stresses me out and I’m almost to the point where I wanna say it’s not worth it anymore. The stress I feel,the worrying. It’s taken a huge toll on me and i just feel like it’s running me down physically. I don’t feel happy during what should’ve an exciting time in my life. I don’t know,it’s just nice to have somewhere I can vent my frustrations to because some days I feel like screaming and going crazy. It’s hard.