Dear Lizda,
You have found a good place and are smart to come here. This disease is baffling, even in recovery.
You posted on the forum that is for parents, children and siblings of alcoholics...not too many folks on here. Take a look at the Family and Friends of Alcoholics forum, where you will find many significant others of alcoholics dealing with the same things you describe.
The most important thing I've learned is to take care of myself, no matter what.
Wishing you peace, for you and your children, no matter what.
You have come to the right place to gather the tools to find that peace.