Lizda

I needed to get others opinions on this.
Ill try to make it quick. My husband of 10 years. W/ 3 kids was an active alcoholic ..at one point i had enough and refused to enable ( I had already tried reaching out to his mother about talking to him about treatment. Since she doesnt like.me and blamed for his drinking. No reason to this but he liked to blame me.for why he drank while actively using ( the dishes werent done. She didn't mop. ) She never even responded to the suggestion) ffw i decided to take it upon myself for ny children myself and in hopes he would get sober, asked him to leave our home. Ill try to make this quick but at that point his mother made it difficult for us to even see him while he stayed with her. * I want to add that i am not an addict and never have been nor did i give him alcohol. Moving forward...he began to try to remain sober on his own at this point he and i were great..he relapsed and got a felony dwi . i stood by him during the time he was on bail. We lost our home and downsized severly. It was that or a tiny very small rv for the kids and i..at this time i was pregnant with our 3rd. One day his mother whom helped with his lawyer fees with her son & herself asked the kids & i to leave in the middle of the night. We were not allowed over..l fast forward i was really hurt and he even missed the birth of our 3rd. Time passes...
Hes going to prison before he does he asked that i wait for him so that he could make it up to the kids & i.. Show me a better him and be a family. I did just that for about a year of him gone. It was difficult none the less. Small place. Lonely. New baby. I went back to school. Two other children. I still saw him in jail multiple times and long trips. We were always good i onky asked that (due to alot of things ) He stand beside me with his family and not make me feel alone ( they have always gotten between us and caused problems) he said ok
Missed me loved me. The works. Due to where i live and it already crowded i said ok to him staying at his mothers. I wanted to be the one to pick him.up when he came home. His family did but it took the 4th day when i finally got upset to even see him. The only time after that was about 4 weeks later. He would take the kids a few times for me but never really showed as much interest as thought in spending time with me. Time goes on and i increasingly become frustrated. My birthday came around the corner and he missed that with well celebrate later on. (By later he must have meant next year) i just wanted to curl up with him nothing big. Watch a movie. He then took our kids one weekend and ended up doing a small birthday party with his family for our youngests 1st birthday. Well i told him thats fine but i really want us together to celebrate it too. Its special. He never showed. Then time passes...i become increasingly frustrated i started to get mad because he would come up with every excuse not to spend time.( i should add his family in the past has not wanted me at their events. This was something he & i talked about that needed to be different also) but i atleast wanted him for my families thanksgiving.... Well he took our kids to his with his mother and didnt go to mine though i asked him too. Again no alcohol. My family is really sweet and supportive (we also didnt have halloween) time passes. More frustration. I start to get angry.... I mean i stuck by this man in addiction...in recovery and when he was incarcerated. I got mad and said alot of things. He told me his family doesnt have to deal with me if they dont want to.More time passes more hurt. Everything snowballs more where im repeatedly telling him i dont feel important. This isn't what we talked about. I havent spent time with you in 3 months. Am i single now ? Are we nothing? What is going on?
He gets mad at me.....time passes.... It gets to christmas eve (every year his family does a party) i had presents to wrap for my kids so i didnt even press me going. Well to treat the kids for christmas got a hotel with an indoor pool. Invited him to spend christmas with us as a family.
He pulled away from me and just shook his head no. He then later texts that we cant be together. He also told my sister the same when she inquired.I got mad really mad. Really hurt I text his mother. I was not nice. I text him. I was not nice. It wasnt until i mentioned me moving forward and being done etc that he started being sweet then shutdown again. This happened again...a little progress and then shutdown and then again said it is not about you and i anymore. Were done. Just about the kids.

Ive been so upset ive said alot of things but i feel like 2 days in 4 1/2 months would upset anyone and i always still made an effort and only blew up each time he kept putting off seeing me or didnt do the holidays with us etc and then for him not to understand that and say he cant be with me? He was sober in jail..he kmew that stuff would hurt me. What changed?.


He is sober and he is in AA and he has repeatedly told me that sobriety comes first which means he can spend time with the kids and his family but not me...?


So is this a sober thing or is this because of something else...? Opinion? Experiences?

Im lost and im really hurt. I would understand if i was an addict as well or enable or drink alot but i drink maybe 4x a year and would not infront of him anyways....

My friends and family have their own thoughts.
That he used me to wait on him or hes seeing someone else...i felt it was his family because he has always been weird and exclusive and elite with them in the past before when he stayed with them....