^^^To Ken's last line - it makes me think of a statement I hear people, in AA and not, say sometimes that always rings true: "don't drink, and don't be an a**hole."
The take what you want and leave the rest mantra you hear in AA can, to me, also be expressed as: here are good rules for living. (AA says the 12 steps are "suggested" as ones that have brought successful sobriety to us)
Get out of your self/ego
If you do something wrong or hurtful or [ ] , apologize and try not to do it again
If you've done crappy things in the past, apologize to people- and accept whether they in turn accept the regret you have, or don't and then move on
Do good turns for others, big and small
Seek and give support from others who have the kind of life you want
Change your thinking and habits from selfish, self-destructive and so on to positive and life-enhancing
All of this starts with not drinking, and as I say - living my own best life, and only giving a seat at my table to people (alcoholics and not) who are trying to live theirs.
Sure, all that is expressed in the 12 Steps - it's also expressed in all kinds of self-help books, religions, Marsha Lenehan's (sp) pioneering work for CBT treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder, good counselors and psychiatrists, the good folks of SR....