Well done for your sober time Jimmy Lover.
It has taken me 8 months to reach a point where I am comfortable in my sobriety.
I had been trying and failing to quit for 6 years. I knew alcohol was a problem but my desire to continue to drink was stronger than my desire to stay sober.
8 months ago, what started out as a few drinks at home turned into a 10 day alcohol fuelled binge that nearly killed me. I had 2 choices. Live or die. I chose to live and I got into AA. It has saved my life.
I had to have and continue to have a solid step 1. I am powerless over alcohol. Some people don't like the powerless word. But the truth is I AM powerless! When I put a drink inside of me I have no idea where that drink will take me. Absolutely none. I have no power whatsoever. Alcohol becomes my master, in total control of me. I was also powerless before I even took a drink. The Big Book states there are times when the alcoholic has no mental defence over that FIRST drink. How many times had I sworn off alcohol only to find myself that same day with a drink in my hand.??? I am no longer powerless. I now have a defence over taking that FIRST drink..my HP, AA meetings, AA numbers. And by not putting that FIRST drink in me I cannot get drunk.
You ask, what now? You have put the drink down and now what? Well for me the 12 steps are the solution. Before I was just skidding through life on a banana skin, a glass of wine in each hand. Now I feel I have some kind of direction. Some purpose. A guide to living a good, honest, purposeful life.
I just want to address what you said about feeling depressed about not being able to drink with friends because Oh boy I can totally identify with that!! I spent alot of time sat in self pity because I couldn't "enjoy" a few drinks with my friends. I mean, that was my absolute favourite pastime. Going to the pub and drinking with friends! But when we had left the pub and gone home and my friends were either drinking tea or going to bed I was buying more alcohol on the way home and getting obliterated.
I had to fully accept that I was an alcoholic. My TRUTH was that I couldn't just go and have a few drinks with friends. Step 1. I was powerless. I had one drink and I was powerless to control my alcohol. Alcohol controlled ME. Every time I wanted to drink (and there were many) I had to accept this fact. I am alcoholic and I have no powerless once I put that FIRST drink in me.
I had a real epiphany on Christmas Day nighy where something shifted in me. I had spent Christmas Day in the pub. We went for a Christmas Day lunch in a pub I used to drink in often. It was awful. Really challenging. That night I went to an AA meeting and I felt so relieved. So relieved to be with sober people and especially sober people in recovery. They Are MY people. When I walked home I felt really good. The meeting was great, and I felt so, so grateful to be sober and free from the chains of alcohol. I realised that night that despite what I had thought I had still been clinging to my old ideas. I mean, going to lunch in a pub on Christmas Day?? That's crazy for a newly recovery alcoholic like me! Walking home I realised pubs do not hold anything for me anymore. They were a place I went to to drink. End of. And I do not want that life anymore. At first, I quit to save my life and now I do not even WANT to drink. And for me, that is a miracle.
My advice? Get to that meeting. Everyone is nervous about their first meeting. We are all there for the same reason. To stop drinking and to save our lives. You don't have to talk. Or you can tell someone you are new if you feel comfortable. You will be greeted with open arms I promise you. Listen to what people are sharing. See what you can identify with. Listen to the similarities, not the differences. Give it a chance. If you feel after your first meeting it's not for you please don't give up straight away. I have had times when I wondered if AA was for me. I am so glad I stuck with it. I now have a home group (which is a group you attend the most) And I have 2 service positions there. I do tea and coffees on a Monday and open and close the meeting on a Tuesday. Service gives you a commitment to attend. I have a sponsor and am working the steps. I have made some really good friends in recovery and a good support network and I feel at my safest in an AA meeting. I was so nervous when I walked through the door now I have no qualms about walking into a meeting anywhere in the world. I travel the world for a job so it has been quite exciting going to meetings in different countries.
If AA isn't for you however, and it isn't the only way , you have had some amazing suggestions in how to proceed in recovery. But never forget you are an alcoholic who has lost power in choice when it comes to drinking alcohol. No matter which path of recovery we take , for any of us to drink is to die.
Wishing you all the very best Jim.