Originally Posted by
trailmix 
Ok, let's dissect this.
Mr Saint, have you ever accused your wife of draining your family's finances with her drinking and/or smoking?
Have you ever presented her with a dollar amount cost of what her drinking/smoking and DWI have cost the family?
If you answer yes to either of these questions, then why wouldn't she go there in her head?
If you answered no, well it's her own guilt.
You don't get to choose how she perceives what you say. If you believe what you have said has been misinterpreted and you care enough to, then why not follow it up with an explanation?
Let me dissect this right back:
1. Is it a *fact* that AW drinking has cost this family a lot of money? Yes.
2. Have there been discussions about that fact? Yes.
3. Was THIS PARTICULAR discussion about fact?
No.
4. Should facts be totally and completely ignored in a relationship?? No.
5. You're correct I don't "get" to decide how she perceives things.
But, that just goes back to the problem: Even non-judgey things get perceived by her as being "judgey" . . . and that's not a "relationship" that *I* want to be in.
MCE Saint