I'm sorry you drank, but I'm glad you're back Otterisland
My self esteem didn't come back until I was sober for quite a while.
I think it was a natural process of facing life, dealing with problems sober and getting through them without drinking.
That made me see how competent and capable I was.
Before that, I needed people to love me. External validation was the only validation I had.
That meant agreeing, no matter what, to things I didn't want to do, or want them to do, and it led directly to simmering inner resentment and eventually drinking again.
Sober I learned to love myself again, and I learned it was OK to disagree with people and ask for what I wanted - amazingly, people still loved me
Its a process - but it's a process that can only happen when we stay sober, I think?
D