Originally Posted by
Snowyclo 
So I'm scared of drinking again but I keep doing it.
I don't know whether that makes any sense?
It makes sense to those who know what addiction is. I personally tried to learn "why" I'm an alcoholic for years. I tried ever possible form of "moderation" there is and even invented some of my own. But every single time, without fail, I always returned to everyday binge drinking. So yes, I definitely understand the frustration of short term stints of abstinence. But I also quit for good after several of them, most people who recover do as well.
For me the key was acceptance. And specifically accepting the following:
1. I cannot drink alcohol without eventually suffering major negative consequences.
2. Nothing I, nor anyone, can do can ever change the fact stated in #1.
Once I accepted those 2 things, it got a lot easier to start doing other things in my life to change. It's not "fair" that I am the way I am, and I certainly had some resentments that I could not go do something that most other people can do, but life isn't always fair unfortunately.
Sounds like you have some good plans moving forward....if AA is working for you then by all means dive in head first. The key is having some kind of plan and following through with it.