dandylion

LovePeaceSushi…...just off the top of my head....and considering that he sounds like a nightmare, for anyone to deal with....I think you best bet is to have gobs of support...emotional support....and as much professional guidance (lawyers, child psychologist, friends, social groups, support groups, etc.)as you need…..because, people like this will send you spinning...…
They (NPD) will drain you, and keep you off balance, if you don't have brick wall boundaries.
I would say this to anyone who is dealing with a true narcissist. Even the most healthy, stable person.
My first husband...the father of my 3 children, had what I consider, narcissistic tendencies....so, I am somewhat familiar with what they can be like.
Keeping in mind...and,what you probably, already know....A true personality disorder (of the NPD type) is an extreme condition...so extreme that it disrupts normal functioning, in life. Many people can have narcissistic tendencies...and it is considered "normal" for certain stages of development, etc. And, alcoholics and addicts usually are very narcissistic, when in their disease....
My first husband was...and, still has lots of narcissistic features...and, he is sober. I haven't spoken to him, in decades...but, I hear things through the grapevine and through my adult children. LOl...he remarried years before I did...and he is still with that wife! (Good for them). Apparently, she is willing to live with stuff that would make me Krazy. She sounds like she might be on the co-dependent side, to me....
But, I digress.....

One big lesson that I have learned about Narcissists, is this....Never let them see you sweat. They groove on getting a reaction out of people. They lack the necessary empathy for healthy relationships and see everyone as a tool for them to use...and, have zero guilt for doing so. Your tears will have no effect on them....ever....
If you offer them your hand...they will take your arm.
Never try to be the "good guy" with a Narcissist. It will not get you any points in heaven. They will take advantage of the good guy, every time.
don't engage in combat with them....thinking that will "put them in their place"...It will only make them worse!
Best to be fair...but very firm...at all times. And have the very strong boundaries, for yourself.

As for therapy, LPS....I don't really know you well enough to make a comment...I can only say, that if you have baggage or issues of your own...then, therapy is always a good idea...
Keep in m ind, that a person doesn't "get over" a NPD...because the pathology resides in them...what one does, is become good at dealing with them...managing your reaction to their crazy, mean behaviors. Like I said...strong boundaries, and don't let them see you rattled or sweating....

As for the panic attacks....I suggest that you m ight talk to your doctor.

for what it is worth...one of the boundaries that helped me with my first husband...after I divorced him...was to avoid taking any of the hooks, when he baited me. I stayed as NC as possible...considering that we had children.
Your ex sounds worst than him...I must say......