Hi
I'm kind of new kind of not. Need some encouragement/advice/stories of people who have come through repeated relapse.
I got sober after going to treatment last Summer. I had nearly 14 months, went to lots of 12 step meetings, did service, started putting my life together, felt happy! Then I got into a new relationship and relapsed after about 6 weeks of it.
Since then (3 months ago) I've been battling daily drinking. Whenever I've gotten more than 1 day sober I think "this is it! this time I can't go back!" yet I keep doing it. I had 10 days, then 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. The most I've had is 13 days and I'm currently on day 3.
I am DESPERATE to get my sobriety and recovery back. I want to be a decent, functioning human being. But I can't trust myself and the fear of the instability (I am a real jekyl and hyde alcoholic) is making life impossible. How can I start putting life back together if I don't know if I'll be drinking tomorrow, next week?!
Any advice and stories would be amazing.
Thanks