With regards to having more children with my AH - That would be a miracle. His issue is one that yields low results even with the most sophisticated scientific approach. And at my age, and at the helter-skelter way our life is at...no, God is not telling me to try and have another child. Let's take care of this sweet soul that we have now. (DD)
DD *is* in therapy with a person that I respect very much. Through that therapy, she has actually developed a voice that allows her to speak up rather than be compliant just because that is what she thinks makes her dad (or me) happy. For this blessing, I am beyond thankful.
My panic attacks are increasing I believe, b/c contact with bio dad is about to resume. It was panic attack-worthy before, but now that I have "crossed him", I feel a more infinite danger on me. He is ex military, carries a gun, and brags about physical altercations with others. When I was married to him he talked about killing his ex wife.
It's just a difficult time right now.