Hi Wolf,
I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling. I think every alcoholic goes through the process of wrestling with their addiction to come to a place of acceptance. Some folks do it while learning to work the steps, others do it before ever taking action to combat their addiction. You seem to be one of the former types - it doesn't mean that you are incapable of becoming sober through a 12 step program.
Initially, getting sober is a lot like playing defense - it's all about learning what you have to do to not drink. Dealing with withdrawal, PAWS, stressors, life events, unpleasant people and circumstances. It's a lot... but it's a necessary part of the process. A guy I know in my home group likes to say, "If you want to stay sober, first you have to stop drinking." Which sounds pretty stupid, because if you're not drinking, aren't you by definition sober? What he is referring to is emotional sobriety - which when I first heard that term I became angry because it seemed like moving the goalposts after the game had started. It took me over a year of not drinking to really begin to accept my alcoholism - in the same way I accept the color of my eyes: it just is what it is, without judgement or remorse.
The person who commented on the quote you mention I think did a disservice. Here's a longer version of the same section:
We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. (pg 85)
To me, this is like playing offense. We start by playing 'defense' - getting through the early weeks and months of sobriety by doing whatever we must to not drink. That phase is like preventing an "own goal." It is critical to not drink, but to really learn to live in sobriety, we have to learn to "play offense" which is what the third sentence of that quote means.
How exactly do we get there? It comes as part of finding our higher power, and learning to live a life that leaves the world a little better in our wake. Will our lives become perfect? No. Will we find that perfect love, that perfect job, and bask in the adulation of all we meet? Sorry, not happening. But learning to live a life that we can be humbly proud of, serving others and becoming a better employee, spouse, neighbor, and friend - this is one of the gifts of sobriety.
We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us. But it is clear that we made our own misery. God didn’t do it. (pg 133)
Your sponsor may be right, that currently you're not entirely ready to go to any length to not drink today. Or perhaps you have the misfortune of a crappy sponsor and a somewhat misguided homegroup. I can't know the answer to that, and frankly those are issues of the past. The real question is: what are you going to do today to stay away from the first drink? My last drink was mid afternoon December 20, 2009 - but I still have to answer that same question every morning. Perhaps that is what the old timer in your group was trying to convey.
I can say this: I have gotten so much more from my sobriety than I hoped or imagined on Dec 19, 2009. Today I truly love my life, and I want that for you as well. But first, you have to answer that question, just for today.
All the best,
Eddie