Originally Posted by
makomago 
Nice name Norma...
On this side of the recovery board I guess the term normal may apply to a trait listed in the Janet Woititz book (which differs to the aca red book & the aca list of traits known as the laundry list - try showing that to Mr Norma)...
anyway.. Janet's trait goes something like this; ACAs guess what normal is.
I recognised this trait in myself. My partner, also from an alcoholic family also recognises this trait. We have both done much towards recovery, me through 12 step fellowships - mostly ACA, her in her own way.
We both struggled with our respective drunken parents and their relationships with our children and alcohol. We found a way, eventually, it took a while. A bit of trial and error.
Eventually we found boundaries that were acceptable to both of us, but we never quite managed to find a way to deal with visits except to agree to allow the other to ensure visits were suitably short and respect that it was ultimately better to have a relationship with our alcoholic parents than not and that it could be managed.
Note: Being in the UK, it's slightly easier for shorter visits than in your case. Flights were/are unnecessary.
I'd recommend the big red book, but I'd watch out for that phrase normal it's worth noting that dysfunction can occur in families without the presence of addiction.
So on the subject of normal: An old friend once said to me "it's just a setting on a washing machine" I tend to agree with that now, or at least I've stopped guessing at what normal is.... is that normal?
:
Yes, I would say, in this context, not guessing at what normal is is normal!
I don't claim to be the arbiter of all that is normal - I chose the name to try to convey my lack of personal experience with addicts of various kinds. Most folks who post here have lots!
I read posts here on SR that used the word ' normie' to seem to mean someone who has never had addiction issues themselves or in their family. I particularly remember reading a shocking, horrible dark humor list of things "normies" never do in the Family & Friends section that made me go "OMG, that's horrible! OMG, that's traumatic! OMG, that HAPPENS???" and realizing that, like the laundry list you mentioned, I am the mirror image of the list, and so the word came to mind when I was trying to think up a nickname. (It was stuff like, "Normies never try to sleep with their partner's car keys under their pillow while their partner is raging in the hallway outside the locked bedroom door".) That's what the name is referring to.