She just seems obsessed with making him see her perspective and then he'll have some kind of epiphany and get sober. That ain't gonna happen. Maybe I'm just grouchy and frustrated. I feel bad for her. I was there. I kept thinking I could just explain it the right way he will see how he is hurting himself and everyone else and things will change. Still hasn't happened. I know she has to get there on her own.
This exactly! Like you said you were there in that same spot, obsessed with getting him to see that his own behavior was causing catastrophic damage to those around him and to those that love him. All your talks, all the saying it with just the right words at the right time has not brought about the goal you had hoped to achieve. She now will have to come to that same conclusion on her own in her own time, when she is ready and until then, she will keep on trying and she will keep on getting frustrated, hurt and disappointed.
With you seeing in her that same place where you used to be, it is a pretty good gauge on your own recovery and where you are today. You are not back in that place, you’ve moved ahead and that is a good thing!
Maybe I'm just grouchy and frustrated. I feel bad for her.
I think that could be the sentiment for many of us here at SR when we see someone brand new post and suggestions are offered and they get defensive or argumentative because it is not what they want to hear nor are they ready to hear some cold harsh truths. None of us wants to see others hit the same rocks and potholes that we did. None of us wants to see others get hurt or taken advantage of but more often than not they have to hit those rocks, they have to trip and fall into the pot holes and they have to feel that hurt and disappointment over and over again for themselves. Until they are ready to accept certain things and begin to face the situation(s) from a different perspective, they will continue to hit those same rocks and fall harder each time into those same potholes many times using different methods. And when they have had enough hurt, pain, disappointment, heartache, frustration, anxiety, they will make a healthier choice for themselves.