Update:
In order to try to avoid GAL and further attorneys fees, I sent AW a rough draft of an Order that I think is fair and protects DS. Briefly, it gives both of us "legal custody" - i.e., AW and I have to consult on major issues such as schools, doctors, major medical decisions, religious training etc. However, it gives ME "physical custody" of DS and her visitations are "supervised." She is prohibited from consuming alcohol or illegal drugs 12 hours before any visitation period. If she successfully completes 12 consecutive weeks of supervised visits, then she can replace the "supervisor" with SoberLink monitoring (before and after visitation). We'll see what comes of that.
Tonight, after she Skyped with DS, we talked briefly. She said "thanks for letting me Skype with him" - which seemed to work better than just a telephone call (because he can see mom). I said "no problem, I think it is important that he maintain a connection with you -- the issue is you drinking around him, etc." I said, I think some amount of time has to pass before you can be "trusted" (not exact words, but that was the gist of it). She said "how much time"?? I said, I don't know exactly, but we've been here at 30, 60, 90 days of sobriety before and it wasn't enough time. She then, very quickly, wanted to end the conversation.
It's just really, really, really frustrating that - it feels to me - that she thinks she should have no limits/conditions on physical contact with DS right this minute. She hasn't SAID it, but its the way the conversation(s) seem to FEEL to me.
This is NOT her first rehab. This is not the first "relapse" following rehab.
I've always said and felt that one year of her sobriety is what is needed to get me to "trust" her again with DS. I know 1 year continuous sobriety isn't a magic number and that a high rate of relapse is possible in year 2; but I think that there has to be a path back to earning some (or a lot) of trust back for addicts with their children.
I dunno - am I crazy???
MCE Saint