birwin91

Well, I'm three months sober today, but it's hard to think about it. My grandmother passed away very suddenly last Thursday, and her funeral is back home in Ireland today. But I can't afford to fly home from Canada for it. In a way it was weirdly a good thing, I feel detached a little from it, but I've been able to grieve by myself without being immersed in it. Also the temptation to drink is lowered as I'm not around family and friends who are using the drink to cope.
3 months sober though. Not sure if I'm hitting a wall or the primary high of not drinking is wearing off. Though that could just be my new job and the fact that it's Xmas season, winter. Thinking about drinking isn't constant anymore, it'll just hit me at the most random times in the most random places. I can go out with my friends now and they can drink around me, I'm happy to go partying with them, and there's no real sense of needing to drink.
I think that's because I was a day drinker, drinking with friends going on nights out was fine, but where i really loved it was drinking alone in the house.
I've substituted alcohol for ****** food though, my eating habits are going through the roof, but I keep telling myself that it's just something to help me stabilise while I deal with the rockiness of being sober for three months.
My anxiety is back, and I feel tired all the time. I feel like I'm coming down from a massive sugar high. I sometimes get straight into bed when I get home from work. I think it's my body trying to settle itself.
I think the main positive is that I still have an overpowering desire and want to never drink again. It's becoming second nature now, knowing I'll never touch the stuff again. It weirdly makes me sad, I do miss it, and I am sad that I'm just one of those people who can't have alcohol.
But I've also found a great strength. I went on a few dates sober. That hasn't happened in nearly seven years . And it forces you to be yourself, and not make excuses about your behaviour. I'm allowed to have a bad day and be tired or not want to hang around me people. It's made me a better person for saying no. Before i wouldn't do something because it meant i could stay home and drink. But now, I have a choice. And a choice is such a powerful thing and I'm thankful everyday that this is my life.
I watch videos of other alcoholics and how they get through and it makes me so hopeful for the future!
Hope everyone has a lovely Tuesday evening!