Update:
AW: Of course I want to work out an agreement to see and talk to DS. I miss him and DD so much. This is so hard to do because of the loneliness but I know I am doing well and the right thing.
Me: Being sober and staying sober is hard for you to do because of the depth and severity of your alcohol addiction.
Your children are not crutches for you to lean on so you can feel "less lonely" as you fight to be and to continue your sobriety. I support your continued interaction with DS (under conditions) not because it will make YOU will feel "less lonely," but because HE is a child and it is my belief that HE will be better off (long-term, short-term, or both) having a healthy relationship with you.. Making sure that the relationship between you and DS is and stays "healthy" and doesn't subject him to harm is MY primary concern.
This may come as a revelation to you, but I feel "alone" and "loneliness" even when I'm with DS and DD. I feel abandoned by you in the duties we have to our children to put a roof over their heads, food in their mouths, education, clothing, teaching good morals, etc. First, you were in the hospital for several months earlier this year. Then, even THAT didn't stop you from drinking. And now, ANOTHER round of rehab, etc. I thought I had a partner in the raising of a family and the making of a home, but it turns out I'm all alone to fight every single day for a roof over their heads, food in their mouths, education, clothing, etc.
You have to learn to deal with "loneliness" and the feeling of "being alone" - even when you're surrounded by people. And you have to do it in a way that causes you not to harm yourself and hurt those around you by drinking and lying to them.
MCE Saint