Arrrghh!!! I took the bait!!
[background: I obtained a child protective order last month after AW was arrested for DWI (4th lifetime) and our DS was in the car -- not the first time she's driven drunk with our children, but first time I could prove it in court]
AW: I assume you know we have to be in court this coming Friday? What do you plan on saying? Is it going to be ugly? I can't take away what has happened in the past. I can just go forward with my sobriety. I am doing good with my sobriety.
Me: Yes, I know about court on 11/30. Since neither you nor your attorney were there last time, I'll let you know the judge said that in 98% of the cases involving children she would appoint a guardian ad litem (GAL) to represent the child. Cost is $150 per hour. But, if you and I can agree on an order we might be able to avoid GAL fees and costs.
AW: Sorry, my lawyer told me it was continued last time. I was still in rehab. I am following my attorney's advice.
Me: It was continued over my objection. Nevertheless, the judge said in child cases she almost always appointed a GAL. And the cost for a GAL is $150 per hour. If you're interested in entering into an agreed upon order, I'll send you a proposal. If you you're not interested, then I'll just see you in court.
AW: You know I don't have that kind of money. I guess I won't see my son.
[a few minutes later]
AW: No, of course, I want to see my son.
Me: You know, I get tired of listening to you whine. I have an order now *and* I let you see him with supervision. And I let you call whenever. If you're not interested in working something out that is in DS's best interest, then I'm not going to waste my time. I'll let the court sort it out, damn the cost. Let me know how you want to proceed.
AW: You try not seeing DS for 44 days and see how you feel. Thanks for letting me see him for an hour and talking to him. There is no danger here.
Me: See you in court then.
[stewing for a few moments]
Me: FYI, I didn't see DS for a month because he was [with your brother in a different City/State] He was there because YOU got arrested for DWI while he was in the car. Then YOU were in rehab leaving me to take care of him, keep house, pay bills, with one less wage earner in the house. Try walking in my shoes some time you little narcissist.
Me: Oh and found another one of your "hidden" bottles yesterday.
Me: Not to mention, YOU were going to do your "sober living" house in the [distant City/State where DS was living temporarily] for 90 days or so, but no one seemed concerned about when I could be with him.
AW: OK.
Me: Just amazes me how you think in terms of how stuff affects only you. Poor you. Pity party for you.
AW: No just getting better now. I am sorry things have been so bad for you. I didn't mean to do any of this on purpose.
Me: The relapse rate for a person with 1 year of sobriety is 50%. You have less than 60 days sober. You are a danger to him and to yourself. Which is why you live in a [sober living] house with rules. Rules that if you violate them there are consequences. Our son is entitled to have rules that protect him. Rules that if broken have consequences. I'm sorry you don't agree.
[I feel like the Godfather: every time I think I'm out, they pull me back in.]
MCE Saint