Oh my gosh I do relate. And while I absolutely cannot compare my level of difficulty to yours, my daughter has been the ultimate parenting challenge this past year. Holy smokes. I post on another thread all about my struggles with my kiddo. And she's awesome....but oh my she makes me literally homicidal sometimes. Well not really, but the agitation can feel relentless at times.
One of my biggest challenges is the loss of control. Not that I really ever had any, but now I have none. And I watch her dig herself into a hole through her own choices and actions (sound familiar?) and then I have to be there, no matter what, to help her out and support her. Of course, right? And I resent because she will not follow my guidance (how dare she?) and I let her take advantage of me regularly...because I love to make her happy. Oh geez. What a mess. So I really end up angry with myself because guess what, its all on me to choose how I respond.
Things are starting to smooth out. She's growing and changing. So am I. But this 17 yr old stuff is truly the hardest job of my life. Makes recovery seem like a cake walk. But I am soooo grateful I've walked through this very difficult time sober. So glad. And I think the next few years will continue to be a challenge....but at least she'll be away at college...which will present new challenges.
I just wish I could sleep for the next 7 years...wake up when she's 25. haha.
Hang in there.