SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - feeling conflicted about newish relationship
Old 11-08-2018, 11:52 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 5,801
I'm glad you have had time to think a bit, getting away for a while helps.

Three things here. The first is he said "i'm worried I'm wasting your time". Is he just like that? As in that giving? It just seems a bit of an odd thing to say really.

The two other things you mentioned for your plan going forward,the first is a great idea I think. You can't do it all, as you said you are exhausted, not just from all the running around/cooking etc but there is the whole dysfunctional relationship part as well, which is emotionally exhausting.

The second part, another great idea. This whole situation is far too unstable, you are really putting yourself out there if you continue on. I have to say though that it almost sounds a bit, like you are trying to produce a result. Since you have not done X and Y I won't do Z. I'm guessing that him not doing X and Y has left you feeling vulnerable.

I, of course, hope he makes a great recovery but aside from that, I see something else here. He truly is all over the place. You mentioned the PTSD and that he decided not to have treatment because he found it made him feel worse not better.

Is that not akin to what an alcoholic might say? Recovery is no walk in the park, the first few months are hellish but they persevere (those that seek recovery) because they know they need to put in that work to heal.

His untreated issues are not going anywhere. He hasn't introduced you to any of his family or friends but wants you to move in and even marry him. He disappears for a week, only texting once to say he can't sleep for worry about his family. Sound familiar?

I guess what I am saying is that you are in a situation which is going to take a lot of work if it is ever to work out. First there are his physical challenges which hopefully will be cured soon. But even with that all good, he has huge issues which he is not willing to work on at all.

He IS all over the place. Don't expect that to get better anytime soon if ever. If you do go forward in this relationship with him you are going to have accept him the way he is. The disappearing, the mood swings, the taking off then coming back to apologize hours later.

I am not trying to steer you one way or the other, just to clarify, just concerned that you may be dating his potential.

Where do you fit in to all of this? Are you looking out for yourself?
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