The RIGHT counselor can make all the difference. I would encourage you to have yours, and your son to have his. You need to be able to open up and be open and honest. If you don't click the first time, try someone else. I can only say this from experience from both myself and my children. Once we found the right people, so much progress was made. I never learned how to change my XAh or how to make him better, but I learned how to make MYSELF better, and stronger.
Sending you huge hugs!