MCESaint…...It is good that you have enough autonomy to realize that you will be made out to be the "bad guy". I think that so many people tear themselves up, inside, because they have such a desire not to be seen, that way....especially, the fear for how their reputation will take a hit with family, friends, neighbors, etc. But, I do think that this tends to be human nature. Most people DO care what the important people, to us, do think.....
I just don't think that there is anything we can do about that tendency.....
Except...if we can expect that the other person has their own set of human feelings....which they own and belong to them...and, we have no control over another persons inner psyche....how they feel is their reality....no matter how unfair or bizarre it might seem to us.
We just have to accept that reality and prepare ourselves for the lumps and bumps that are probably going to come our way.....
Looking back...when I divorced my children's father (he didn't want the divorce)….he tried, in every way, to make me a bad guy....spreading all kinds of smear tactics, to anyone who would listen. LOl...I won't say that it was pleasant...but, I completely expected this sort of thing from him...and, I knew that those things weren't true, and that those people who really knew me, would stand by me....
I understood that he felt rejected and angry and vengeful....and, that he would never understand why I couldn't stay with him and his narcissistic ways...and abandon my chance for happiness, for the rest of my life!
My mental health and my children's future welfare were just TOO important to me...that I was willing to face the lumps and bumps…..