MCESaint

Thanks Sasha, I tried to incorporate the experiences of those posting here.

Just for the record, she called them "parameters" that she needed to discuss or have laid out for her therapist. Steps works for me -- and I was trying to give "broad strokes" not get into the nitty-gritty detail just yet.

With respect to No. 4, the "form" child protective petition provided by the court has an area where the Petitioning party (in this case me) can request certain things from the Respondent (in this case AW). Among the things that a Petitioning party can request is "Order Respondent to participate in a court-approved counseling program designed to help batterers stop violent behavior or a substance abuse program.

As I see it, she already intends (or so she says) that she'll be in intensive out-patient therapy *and* she'll be attending AA meetings. Those, to me, count as a substance abuse program (albeit not necessarily "court-approved."). I'm certainly going to ask that language that she continue with her "substance abuse" treatment as she herself has outlined to me be incorporated into a final, permanent order.

Also, AW has a "dual-diagnosis" of bi-polar, depression, and anxiety disorder. In my opinion, these issues by themselves, even without drinking, can lead her to place DS in a dangerous situation. I look at it this way, think of "A Beautiful Mind" - where John Nash is having delusions which lead him to neglect his child. When he was medicated, the delusions went away. Would/could his wife leave their child in Nash's care without some assurance he was on his prescribed meds to stop the hallucinations??

Now, AW doesn't suffer from delusions -- but when she is in her "manic" stages of bi-polar, she takes on 24 different tasks at one time -- let's see, while taking care of DS alone while I'm at work she'll try painting the indoors of the house, power washing the outside of the house, re-arranging the pantry, cooking holiday baked goods, do 14 loads of laundry, stay up all night, etc.

Now, I grant you, I've exaggerated somewhat (but only slightly, nobody bakes "Memorial Day Cookies" do they??)-- and others may look at the above and say she's just "multi-tasking." But, most multi-taskers can EFFECTIVELY multi-task. AW takes on so many tasks that they don't all get done or done correctly.

As I see it, AW's bi-polar and anxiety contribute to her drinking. Put differently, she looks around the house and becomes "anxious" about all the things she "thinks" or "feels" need to be done. IMO, our house is typical, suburban nice. We have a 4 year old. If you walk in on us, you'll find toys strewn over the living room, etc. So, to me, it's just "normal." But to her "its a wreck." And it's not just that, for her, she doesn't think whatever things need to be "done" over will be done over a reasonable time period (tackle power washing the outside this weekend, paint the entire inside of the house room-by-room over several weekends, etc.) but it needs to be done right then and there regardless of whatever else is happening.

This drives her bi-polar manic stages and, on top of that, stirs up guilt that she's at home, not working, quit her job, left us paying $$$ for COBRA health insurance coverage and, ya know, her brain is screaming "these things need to be done, right now" Heck, if MY brain was doing that to me 24/7/365, I'd probably become an alcoholic too.

Alone and by themselves, without the drinking, her bi-polarism, depression and anxiety often cause her to "lose focus" from caring for DS. With the booze?? Well, it's like dumping kerosene on a bonfire --manic times 1,000.

I know that for someone like Central Ohio Dad, his AW passes out. For my AW, booze is (initially) "go, go, go, juice!!" She's what I call an "accelerating drunk" the more she drinks, the more she *has* to do. Me? If I have two beers, I'm snoring. To be sure, she will on occasion passout -- especially after a bout of mania. But the primary affect of alcohol on her is a stimulant.

Now, I'll acknowledge, that her bi-polarism, depression, and anxiety are NOT the only "causes," of her drinking. There are genetic factors, there are behavioral patterns that have been laid down since she was a child and, let's face it, drinking that much booze for that much time has altered her brain physically and chemically.

But the bi-polarism, depression and anxiety ARE factors that increase the likelihood of her drinking by some unknown amount -- and they are factors around which medical science can provide a helping hand. It can't stop her from drinking, but it can "turn down the volume" in her head.

I don't care whether she's on this particular drug or that particular drug. But, if her primary doctor, Dr. Jane Smith (fictional), has a diagnosis of "bi-polar" and prescribes her to take Risperdal for it, then, by god, I want the order to say - in some form - that she does whatever her medical doctors recommend for that diagnosis. If she changes doctors or treatments (even if its Dr. Quackenbush and a quack therapy -- and FWIW, I think Quackenbush was the name of Groucho Marx's character in a "Night at the Races") fine -- just do it.

I really don't see it as being any different than saying "she must attend a court-approved substance abuse program." (Indeed, some of these "court-approved" programs are more hurtful than helpful to addicts, IMHO).

Even if it's not technically legally enforceable: (a) she may not know that; but (b) the mere fact that *I* asked for it in writing (or its in the order) *may* result in a greater probability of compliance.

MCE Saint