Thank you for all your responses, it adds to the confusion, but also helps me see my failings as well. I do need to be the responsible, truthful, protective and trustworthy parent because she certainly can't be that, at least not after 7:00 at night.
I am going to start, slowly, figuring out what he knows and to what extent. He does open up more to her than to me many time, but I'll see what I can do. I'm a logical, straight to the facts, black-and-white type of guy - these grey areas and child psychology stuff is not my forte`.
Anvilhead - I haven't heard much from you lately - I brought you out of the woodwork. As always, thank you for your no-nonsense response, it's always a good slap in the face.
And I appreciate all the responses, I really do. I've got some work to do. I will keep you posted.
COD