Don’t be embarrassed at all. I have yet to meet the alcoholic who got it to stick in the first go. For that matter I don’t think I’ve met one who got it on the second. Having a relapse is a moment to learn from and let’s you bolster your defenses against a trigger you may not have seen before. A mistake is only a failure if you dont learn anything from it. My mom used to tell me that and it got me through my first few relapses. The people here are so supportive and understanding and we would never take it upon ourselves to judge another addict. If no one has told you this yet today know that I love you and I have faith in you!