MCESaint

I dunno if this is the right place to post this; if not, I apologize in advance.

My overall question is this: Pulling the trigger versus letting the stuff settle.

I *feel* like I may be rushing into some decisions I might regret later on.

At the same time, my "lawyer brain" can see the logic of making the decision now versus later on.

I won't repost the entire history here, but AW is currently in a in-patient rehab facility. After that she plans on doing 3 months in a "sober living" facility. After that?? Who knows??

AW quit her job this summer. Because her job provided our health insurance, it allowed me to continue with my law practice. But, now we're on COBRA which is expensive. And the "market place" isn't much better.

I recently got a job offer from a government agency. It's less money, but the benefits are really good. In sum, I can get a HSA/High-Deductible plan for me, the spouse, and 2 kids for $180 per month. My prospective ER also makes a small contribution into the HSA (which I can contribute more to). Preventive care is 100% covered by insurer (which some HSA/High-Deductibles do not). I have pre-existing conditions and they'd be covered. It also comes with some life insurance (1x salary), long-term disability, pension (vested after 5 years), etc. Things I don't.

My problem is: I cannot and do not trust AW alone with our youngest (DS 4 y.o.).

I'm willing to allow her to be around DS, but only under guidelines that insure that she is not drinking. That's non-negotiable. If she only has 90 or 120 days of "sobriety" underneath her, that's not enough to rebuild my trust with DS.

Until, AW decides where SHE is going to live after "sober living" - DS will need to be in daycare.

If I accept the new job (which I'd like to do) then, with the lower salary, income vs. expenses is very, very dicey -- I can cover 10 months of daycare from limited savings, enough to get him into public school kindergarten in Fall 2019, but if *anything* goes wrong in the next 10 months (need a new furnace, etc.) I'm screwed.

Housing is my biggest monthly expense.

We have equity in the house (at current FM prices). We're 15 years into a 30 year mortgage, so equity starts building faster (as much going to principal as is applied to interest).

Option #1

It would take some $$$ to get the house "market ready." We built this house and many of the original items were "builder grade" and due/overdue for an upgrade/overhaul. My emotional world right now is sooo upside down that I don't really want to put the time or the money into the house to make the necessary repairs to bring "top dollar." I also don't look forward to keeping the house in "show condition". But, the potential equity to us (combined) would be $40,000 or more. Which I'd split evenly with AW.

My plan would be to move myself and DS in with my brother (who has a 3 bedroom house, no kids, no wife) - and split expenses with him. That should provide enough to cover DS's daycare without raiding savings.

Where would AW live?? Who knows, in some respects I feel it's not really my problem.

Option #2:

Alternatively, I think we could do a quick sale with a "We Buy Ugly Houses" type investor. In this case, the buyer buys as-is type cash on the barrel head, no contingencies sale. It would net a lower offer than hiring an agent, but it saves me some "emotional" energy and exertion (just wiped out these days). But, the total equity would be more like $15,000 to $20,000. Which I'd split evenly with AW.

My plan would be to move myself and DS in with my brother (who has a 3 bedroom house, no kids, no wife) - and split expenses with him. That should provide enough to cover DS's daycare without raiding savings.

Where would AW live?? Again, who knows, not really my problem.

Options #1 and #2 require AW's "cooperation" as she would have to sign off on any sale of the house.

Option #3A:

Stay in current house, raid savings for daycare and cross-fingers. AW lives with us at current house (or elsewhere), but DS attends daycare and I pick-up and drop off never leaving her alone with him. She has supervised visitations with DS for some unknown amount of time until she can demonstrate she's not drinking.

Option #3B

Stay in current house, AW lives with us, but agrees to be monitored for AW use - such as Soberlink. DS does NOT attend daycare. AW stays home with DS.

I don't *have* to choose right now to move in with my brother. That option is always in the background.

But, I don't do "limbo" or "uncertainty" particularly well. I'm much more emotionally built to have a plan or direction (see, lawyer brain).

Are there options I'm missing?? Or are these options even, ya know, options or wishful thinking??

MCE Saint