Welcome, Sarah - I'm so glad you found us. This is a wonderful place for encouragement & friendship.
I'm sorry for what you've been through. It's understandable that drinking seems like a way to deal with pain. For years I thought I was making my life better by using it as a way to cope - but I found myself completely dependent on it. I was no longer able to make good choices or function normally. Your decision to get free of it is a wise one - and we're here to help.