Janis,
I try not to look at my drunk days as time lost or wasted.
If I was not a drunk, I would not have had the same experiences.
I might have gotten hit by a bus etc.
I was pretty shy as a kid/young man, but when I got the booze in me, I was a different person. I was confident and charming up to a certain point...unless I over did it.
I was uneducated about booze, I had no idea about the long term mind/personality altering effects. I work hard to teach my son. I teach my family...e.g. my mom.
"Booze alters us and it takes years to normalize. For many months, we are a chemically altered version of ourselves." This is pretty much my go to statement when trying to explain the hell of booze to someone I care for.
So, I don't look at the past as lost. I had a good time, until I stopped having a good time. I was prepared to take the risks associated with drinking. Education changed that. But, I was very lucky e.g. no dui, no domestic. (I was close a few times).
I am now well over 3 years without being drunk and while I consider my 2 shots as cracks in my armor, I feel they didn't alter my healing....except for the thought that maybe I can get away with it once in a while.
But, after each incident, SR talked me down...especially the last one. I come here out of boredom usually, and am reminded that I don't want another day 1. I don't want to read....D122y sorry for your relapse. I don't want that to ever happen.
Whatever it takes.
Thanks for the therepy on this Sunday. I am having coffee and watching fun stuff on TV. Planning on a nice workout.
Me and the wife are in a funk right now. Since being sober I have changed dramatically and I see things differently. I don't get as pissed at her as I used to and I try to see things through her point of view, but I am not going to let her railroad me.
Anyway.
Thanks.