Thank you both for your replies and honest advice. I feel I needed an outside perspective because it's been overwhelming to witnness the implosion if my ''family of origin". I feel so much guilt for being unable to protect my mom. I also feel cognitive dissonance about a father I once admired who fell so far from grace. To grasp for a silver lining, at least now I have even more reasons not to drink after witnessing the dempise of my parents' marriage.