Plenty of people incorporate AA in some form, for their own program. People like you describe are most definitely not living the progam of AA as it is laid out. There is lots of helpful info for living a good life that the steps discuss- only the first actually mentions alcohol- so if you don't let folks scare you off there could be plenty of good material and people available to you.
You certainly don't have to use anything about AA- similar to its only requirement for membership being a desire to quit drinking, that same desire is the basis for any successful path in recovery.