Hi guys,
This is my first post on the site as a member, but I have read countless posts on here that really help me to feel like i'm not alone.
I am a 24 year old with an A ex BF who is 35. We dated for two years and were very close friends before our romantic relationship started. Before someone points out our age difference, you must understand our dynamic. I am a old soul, well educated, "goody good" girl from the north with a career at a marketing company. My ex is a wild, young spirited, bartender from the south. In the beginning, I thought we were soul mates. Our relationship was so much fun and we balanced each other out. I've never been so happy in my life. I thought my dreams were coming true. He made me feel alive and loved and understood.
After about 3 months into our established relationship, I started seeing red flags, but being the codie that I am, I ignored them. We went out drinking a lot but usually it was because we went to go see a band or to go throw darts or play music together at an open mic. Drinks were always involved. I noticed he would get aggressive after a night of drinking. The abuse started slowly and every so often. He would lash out on me if I made him upset in the tiniest way.
I remember one of our earliest fights was he was trying to drive us home after going to a bar to play darts. I was in charge of the GPS and I accidentally told him the wrong direction. For the first time, he yelled at me super loudly in the car. I had never seen him like that before. I was scared. Little did I know that this fight would be the most docile compared to the rest.
The abuse got worse and worse and more often as time went on but always mixed with extremely fun and romantic times together. He confessed to me that he drinks behind the bar when he is working. He has asked me to bring him airplane bottles to his job. He is always drunk whenever he comes home from work. This is not a part of who I want to be anymore.
He wasn't being the man I fell in love with anymore. It hurts so bad. I feel so heartbroken.
A year and a half later (last week), he told me he was driving a bar guest from his bar home named Donnie. I remember my ex telling me he didn't like this man and was always complaining about him. I told my ex I thought it was weird because I thought he didn't like this person. This made him blow up in rage and fake break up with me (like he's done every time he rages). I drove over to his house wanting to talk things out and he pretended to call the cops on me. Then he ended up pushing me so hard, accidentally hitting my throat, that I ended up crashing into his coffee table, knocking it over and spilling bong water onto his new carpet (he smokes pot). He then came over to me and screamed to me on the floor, "Look what you did you ******* bitch!" And then left the house. He didn't check to see if I was okay.
I have never laid a hand on this man. I don't know who he is anymore. If I would have known he was going to turn out like this, I would have never started a relationship with him. I'm a smart girl with a promising future. I want a man who will make a good partner and father in the future. I thought he was like that. I think he is somewhere deep down, but the alcohol addiction turns him into a monster.
After ignoring his texts for a week, I finally told him that he needs to get help once and for all or I cannot be with him anymore. He admitted to me that when he drinks he is a monster and doesn't want alcohol to be a part of his life anymore and that he will quit. I do not believe for one second that he'll be able to do this on his own. He's been trying to quit smoking cigs for 8 years. I told him he needs to get professional help or i'm done for good. He said he needs some time to give me an answer. He has no health insurance and a family (that he's very close with) that doesn't believe he has a problem.
I'm so sad. I don't want to let him go but he needs to learn that he can't do this to people who have loved him unconditionally. I am so good to this man. I give him everything I can. I just want him to be healthy. I don't want anybody else. Our relationship and our connection is so special to me, but he is not the man I fell in love with.