Thank you Dee, indeed. I am terriefied as i have this button for life. This means only way is hard work lifelong. I think it is so easy to forget. In stupidity patted myself too soon . My brain will create anything for me to be back to old ways. Any symptoms any pains anything at least in first years of sobriety. Seeing people doing amaizing and relapsing after many years shows not only first years . It is a life long. Well this is who i am sad sad but truth . I know i wont be jugded here . I feel safe here. And i just hope it wont be my only identity. But i have the button for life. Truth Thanks xD