Clarity.....I think that it is an important thing that your husband was able to talk to you about his sexual abuse. It is more common than most people think.....and, men are, generally, very loath to tell anyone about it...ever. Even those who will admit to physical abuse, will often omit the sexual abuse that they have suffered....not even to their wives or partners.
Largely, I think, because of the negative stereotypes that surround a person's masculinity. They will, often, not reveal it to their therapists....either because the therapist never asked, directly, or, because their "shame" is just too great.
I think that it is so important...I would go so far as to say essential, that these men get support from other men and organizations that exist for this very reason....
One such organization...and, I think, one of the most well known....is RAINN....
The following is a link to their website....
https://www.rainn.org/articles/sexua...t-men-and-boys
Clarity...I will share, with you, one such example of what I am talking about....
My husband had a good friend, from our community, the we hung out with, a lot...
One evening, he had dinner at our house, and my husband had to go to bed, early, because he had a very early work appointment, the next day. Our friend, (that I will call "John") and, I, sat in our kitchen..just talking and laughing...
somehow, we began talking about our childhoods...and, John began to tell me that he was sexually abused by a family member, as a child....dissolving into sobbing tears as he talked about it. I asked him if he had ever told anyone else about this...and he said that he hadn't.
It happens that John had recently began living with a woman who was also known to me and my husband. I asked him if he had ever talked to her about his childhood...and, he said that he hadn't. I was somewhat taken back, by this....I asked him why he was living with someone who he had shared less, about himself, than me...!? He said that he was afraid that she would look at him in a different way--"think less of me". Needless to say--I tried to encourage him to find a male therapist that he could talk to about this aspect of his life....I will never know if he ever did...I never brought the subject up to him, again, and, he never mentioned it. The couple moved away to another city, shortly later, for work reasons. I heard through the grapevine, later, that they had broken up....
His story has always stayed in my mind....
I think it is a common story...