Self-medication
I started drinking as a kid, before my anxiety had a chance to fully bloom. Then when it started to show its lovely head, I threw alcohol at it. It took me a very long time (decades!) to realize the alcohol made it that much worse, not better.
I've been sober for a little less than 10 months now, and I think I was kind of hoping alcohol was the cause of my anxiety and depression through the years. Nope! About nine months in, boom, here it is, I'm anxious, I'm sad, I'm overwhelmed, I'm muttering to myself, and I'm feeling full on crazy part of the time.
And this time, I can't self-medicate. It has been an extra-special experience, one I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. My life has been in total upheaval since I got sober - just lucky timing, I think. I lost my job and had to get a new one (still think it's deeply odd that they kept me there hungover every day for years, but fired me when I am sober and therefore a much more valuable employee), my ex-husband nearly succeeded in drinking himself to death and since he'd been so lovely with his efforts and alienated everyone else, it was left to me to go make decisions for him while his life hung in the balance, and my kid threw herself headfirst into her own anxiety and depression issues. So I don't have TIME to deal with the brain monkeys and I know I CAN'T self-medicate with alcohol.
I'm relying on SR so, so, so much during this crap. I'm on here reading whenever I feel wonky and scared. All I can do is get myself out of bed every day, get done what needs to get done, take a walk with my kids or my mom when I can fit it in, allow myself the occasional full pint of ice cream in one sitting, and know that I'm on the right path for me and that it will work out.
Thanks for listening.