I think you'd get something out of reading "Perfect Daughters" by Ackerman (I think?). It breaks down how ACOA girls specifically respond to having addict parents & the differences in them when addiction shows up in mom vs dad, before or during our childhoods, etc. (so, my dad was an addict long before I was born & my "damage" may show in different behaviors than another girl with an addict father who didn't start drinking until her early teens.)
The sections that resonate may help tremendously to give you a starting point with your ACOA work. 7 years in on my recovery & this is still the biggest obstacle for me despite all the successful IC work I've done. I still remember reading this book & thinking how few total pages related specifically to me, but how they were also saturated with my tears because it was so, so accurate to my life experience. It helped me see myself from a new perspective & start separating my inherent qualities from learned behaviors. (including things like strength, confidence, etc.)
Your time is MUCH better spent here vs. figuring out what is happening in your ex's recovery/path - for me, this is where the REAL changes happened for me as a person.
