Wow. I feel for both of you. You cannot force a grown man to sign a contract or work a program other than the one he feels works for him.
I’m sober and working a program but my husband is not. I cannot change the way he is just as he cannot change me. It has to come from the inside. I choose to stay with him as he is and I show by example.
Maybe try a different Alanon meeting. They are definitely not all the same and you could really use some support. 💕