Well, today marks my official one month of being sober. In a weird way it feels like it was only yesterday that I started on this journey, and then at the same time I can't believe it's only been a month!
It's been a mixed journey so far, in some ways it's been easy, like incredibly easy, easier than I though, but then in other ways, it's been so hard, like wanting to peel your own skin off hard, just these intermittent moments of WHAM! YOU SHOULD DRINK ALCOHOL! There's been a lot of reflection, figuring out what my life means now that I'm sober, dealing with crimpling anxiety, learning to deal with my own emotions in general. And in that regard it's also been incredibly satisfying, I'm not numb anymore, when I'm happy, I'm over the moon happy, the world feels amazing, I can breathe a sigh of relief. But then on the flip side, learning to deal with negative emotions again, the nervousness I felt all my life has come back and it can be a real struggle just to try and exist and get through the day.
What's shocked me most I think is how much I both do and don't miss it, it's been a weird internal struggle. But today marks one month, one month in and I couldn't be happier overall, my relationships have improved, I'm doing my things actively, I'm cooking more, learning who I am. It's been super eye opening. What's really gotten to me is realising there's no end goal here, there's no real finish line, this is something I'll be focusing on for the rest of my life, but that doesn't seem as scary or daunting anymore. My mind and my body are thankful. Here's to another month!
