It is good that you keep posting here and sounds like you are reflecting and taking in what others have said and learning a lot about yourself. I do know what you mean about the sex thing. Though I’ve been married for 20+ years and I have to admit I’m in that vanilla sex category now. I really don’t mind it though because there’s so many other levels I connect with my spouse on, and I do think sex, like everything else, does change as you get older. I’ve come to embrace aging gracefully in all kinds of ways. In many ways, sex can be even more exciting sober with the right mindset. It’s interesting looking back - before marriage, I had wild sex sober, and also sometimes drunk. Before my drinking problem started, I never thought sex was not exciting without alcohol. That was in high school. In college when I was heavy drinking, the drinking became connected with good sex and almost a requirement. As the drinking problem picked up again then progressed in my forties, drinking became a requir,met for everything I did. For example, I couldn’t imagine gardening, or god forbid, cooking without drinking wine and getting blitzed. How could I enjoy anything in life without a buzz? So, yes, I think it is a mindset that you are in that you somehow need alcohol in this situation. If you continue to drink, you may come to find that you will need alcohol in every situation in life. Because this is what addiction is about, whether it’s heroin, alcohol or so,etching else. I don’t know if this makes sense, but it has been cathartic for me to write this out. So thank you. I had to discover my true personality without alcohol. And I’m glad I did because I discovered I’m still fun, funny, cool, smart, good in bed, and good looking and all of this even more without alcohol. And life is more fun too once I got to know the real me and accept myself for who I am. I like your idea about checking out therapy. It was so helpful in my journey.