Well I've slipped up both weekends since my initial relapse.
I drank the Saturday before last, and I drank again last Friday.
Again, both times I had no intention of drinking. Thankfully no major harm done, both times I managed to refrain from drinking the very next day, but it has made my cravings and the obsessing return a bit.
The Saturday before last, that woman came over, and I planned to tell her straight away that I wasn't drinking. She basically shoved a gin and tonic in my hand as soon as she walked through the door, and I drank it, and then we shared a bottle of wine. She stayed over, and the next day she left and then in the week, she ended it with me. I felt gutted because I genuinely liked her, but she said she felt there wasn't enough of a connection. I was upset that I'd ruined my sobriety over a woman that was now no longer interested. It was a harsh lesson to learn.
But we move on. Then last Friday, I had a friend over from the other side of the world, we hadn't seen each other in over two years. I drove to the bar, and I think deep down I knew I may end up drinking, everyone was downing champagne, I lasted about an hour before I caved in. I then got home and did a whole bottle of wine to myself. I felt awful on saturday.
I am going to throw myself back into AA, and am going to lay low for the next month. No social engagements or visits to bars. No need to put myself at risk until I am feeling more resolute in my sobriety.
I don't want to drink, all 3 relapses have been social pressure I guess. Which means I need to avoid those situations for a month at least.
Day 4 tomorrow. Back on the horse.