Hi Darin. Glad to see you on here. In my experience, I tried to negotiate with myself and schedule my drinking. One drink and all my resolve was gone. It took me a very long time to face the truth: I’m an alcoholic and I cannot drink. Not in moderation, not occasionally. I just cannot drink. It took me a long time to mourn that fact - and I continued drinking while I was mourning.
I got to the point where I was so disgusted with myself, my behavior, my total lack of control, and the havoc that I wreaked day in and day out. That’s when I decided that I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink.
I now know, with 100% certainty, that I can not control or moderate my drinking. It’s just not an option for me.