You are doing so well, Chung! It is so important to feel all these raw emotions even though it might feel bad or uncomfortable. For years, we drank to numb ourselves, so we are learning not to do that and instead to feel our feelings and learn healthy coping skills. I think it is wonderful your children are speaking to you and you are listening to them. The best thing you can do for them now is to be fully present and stay sober no matter what and let them express all of their feelings freely. I know folks who were able to mend their relationships with their children after getting sober, and they are healthy and strong now. But it is more difficult with those who keep going back to alcohol. It’s like a broken promise. Stay the course. You can do this! My son was probably too young to remember my drinking (or didn’t understand my behavior in context of drinking) and I also hid it fairly well. One day I will talk openly with him about it though. I am also learning from the experiences of other parents in recovery that I definitely don’t want to go down that path.
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom - Viktor E. Frankl
If you have no other religion, make it gratitude.